CDLX – We’re Lost

I’m watching the TV Show LOST again because I am comfortable wasting my life in this specific way.

I’ve been trying to process some of the abject despair going around and trying to understand why it irritates me. I feel like I am able to see the abyss and not despair at it–and yet the determined despair I see irritates me more than it should.

These two thoughts are connected. I just watched the episode of LOST in season one where Jack (the heroic doctor) and Sayyid (the former Republican Guard) torture Sawyer (resident bad boy) in order to get medicine they think he was hoarding. He is filled with self loathing (and also sees the world accurately) so he lets them torture him even though he does not have it.

Sawyer sees the world accurately. He knows they are in a lawless society. He knew he didn’t have the medicine. He knew they were willing to torture him based on innuendo rather than by investigating or any sense of justice. Sawyer knew that there was nothing he could say to amend their fiery passions. He knew he would be flogged because of the suggestion more than the truth.

I’m going to torture an analogy here. To be Catholic is to see reality accurately, the way Sawyer did. To be reactionary is to see reality accurately also. To be a Catholic Reactionary is a double curse–in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is hated and exiled. To have two eyes is a death sentence.

So as Catholics and Reactionaries we see the world accurately–it doesn’t make us kings, it doesn’t reward us. It makes us exiles and enemies, like Sawyer. We know that this world is lawless and foolish. We know this world will try to kill us at the slightest provocation.

So what is an idiotic Catholic Reactionary like me supposed to do in this crazy world? What should Sawyer have done?

• Sawyer reacted by leaning into it. He hoarded, and isolated himself. Everyone hated him even more because he filled the role they expected of him.
• Sawyer could have tried to ingratiate himself with the crowd and slowly take the blinders off. Could have tried to be an influence for good. It’s slow and irritating work, but it does bear fruit.
• Sawyer could have run away and tried to start his own community under correct principles. He would have died quickly and alone.
• Sawyer could have despaired and given up and accepted “big brother” the way Winston Smith did. He could have intentionally blinded himself.
• Sawyer could have despaired and killed himself because no one was going to change their minds.
• Sawyer could have argued with people and ranted and raved like a madman to try and force people to see the world his way.

Not many good options here. The way I stay sane is by trying to do option #2. I accept that the world is crazy, and I arrogantly believe I see the world accurately, and so I slowly try to convince people that I am one of them so that I can slowly convince them to become one of me.

I get irritated when I see Catholics and/or reactionaries taking any of the other options. They aren’t helping anyone and they don’t make Catholics and/or reactionaries any more palatable. Not that being palatable is important but being unpalatable makes my work of ingratiating myself slightly more difficult.

So–there you have it. To be Catholic and Reactionary is to be Sawyer from LOST: We are bad and mean and crazy and we have to choose whether or not to go crazy or play nice.

Playing nice doesn’t mean sacrificing values. There’s lots of things we can do consistent with our values that also plays nice. Corporal and Spiritual works of mercy, for example–helps community, totally unobjectionable, and consistent with Catholicism and reactionaryism.

These are things I am thinking about.

AMDG